An Interview with an ‘Almost’ Survivor
I recently did an interview with some of the local press as part of the publicity for the Wall of Silence exhibition that came to Burnham-on-Sea.
It was difficult to talk about it but thought I might share some of the conversation with you.
First of all, if you could tell me a bit about what you went through
When I was about 13 I was sexually abused by a ‘family member’. Subsequent to the abuse there was a need for that person to control me, to make sure that I didn’t talk about what had happened. Tis was basically done by emotional control / threats. I remember for example being told, “Do as you are told or THEY will come and take you away”
The result of this was that I almost totally suppressed the memories, denied them even to my self.
The result was, naturally, that this had a major impact on my emotional development and ability to form and manage relationships for example.
There is a quote that sums it up well, I think
“Many remain fixed at that child level of emotional development, as though the trauma put a stop on time. Adult information and knowledge are added as they grow up, but the underlying guilt, fear and inadequacy remain and govern much of their decision-making. The governing power of these feelings is seen in the compulsion to sabotage such happiness as comes their way. Relationships are strained to breaking-point by constant demands for proof of love (which can never be believed), by chronic jealousy (which cannot be comforted), by endless emotional tests (programmed for failure) and by sexual dysfunction (since pleasure is not allowed to the guilty).”
― from “Rescuing the Inner Child: Therapy for Adults Sexually Abused as Children (Human Horizons)”
