Tag Archives: Fate

Forgiveness?

For a number of reasons, linked to the same underlying issue – that of historic abuse it has to be said, I have been asked to think about what forgiveness means to me.

It has been suggested that part of recovering from the harm that was caused to me as a child, and has blighted my adult life, would be to forgive the person who abused me.

The whole concept of forgiveness seems to be rather stretched our of shape in this context, it isnt  for example suggested that forgiving actually has anything much to do with saying what was done was OK or that the abuser doesn’t bare the responsibility. It seems more about accepting that focusing on the abuser rather than on your own needs is counter productive.

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Memories from a boy trapped in my soul

Imprisoned in time, a boy, a young teen
Stuck in a moment, an event, a trauma
No door to exit, no windows to gaze out of
Silently Screaming as memories swirl and constrain

Betrayal by one who should have gave love
Innocence taken by one who should defend it
Trust destroyed by one most trusted
Memory too hard, too dangerous to keep.

Shackles of the mind, self-imposed on by the boy
Memories denied, hidden and rejected
To change the past, undo what was done
Something that couldn’t, mustn’t, have happened
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A storm is brewing, I can feel it

I can feel it, in the air and in my mind.
I can feel it in my soul and memories.
I can feel it in my lack of hope and in my fears
I can feel it building and growing
I can feel it sucking hope and faith
I can feel it destroying the future and plans
I can feel it drag me back to the darkness
I can feel it pull me down
I can feel it calling to the blade
I can feel it calling to my wrist
I can feel it calling to my blood I can feel it, it won’t kill me.
I can feel it , it will make me kill my self
I can feel it, it isn’t death
I can feel it, it wants to turn me into my own death
I can feel it, I can’t hold out much more
I can feel it, I want the peace it brings
I can feel it, touching my soul, my heart, my life, my hope
I can feel it calling

The Pentagram Tarot Spread

So I have been using the tarot a lot recently to help me understand where I am and the direction I must take and the path I must walk.

I many years ago though about the spread I should use and came up with something I felt comfortable with. I have been using this spread a lot and thought maybe I should share it with everybody who isn’t reading this blog.

So the spread.

Tarot01Imagine a pentacle, five points and the centre.

As usual shuffle the cards and pick one that represents you,

I take one sight unseen from the pack, and place it face up in the centre of the pentagram.

Then from the top of the pack, face down place five cards where the points of the pentagram would be.

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The bond between souls.

 

I believe that two souls can be bound, in exceptional circumstances, in a time of shared loss and trauma. If the souls chose the right path and if they stand together.

All good beliefs need a story, a story that tells, in its way, what the belief means. Our story begins, as so many do, with a dream, a vision and perhaps a memory.

In my vision I see a warrior standing in the predawn, atop a hill.

Behind him a small village, round houses and pens for horses and pigs. A few families live there, had lived there for 10s or hundreds of years in harmony with the forest surrounding them.

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Dreams of Future Past

The raven hair, words promised much.
A need not known, or for her to see
Two souls reaching but do not touch
For I am a Witch and it will not destroy me

A path chosen, love its cost
What was and what can never be
A bond broken, a future lost
For I am a Witch and it will not destroy me

Though still I dream of her fair face
A hope, in vain, that love may yet be
I wish her here to take her place
But I am a Witch and it will not destroy me

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Hecate’s Dream

The roads meet, a path behind and a choice
She stands, her gaze on all paths, those shadows of the past and the echoes of things that may yet be
Unseen by the traveller, unnoticed by the proud yet guiding the footsteps of those with no voice

A wall, unbroken, raised by those who have yet to feel regret and shame,
To separate them from those that walk the path of the fallen.
She holds not hope but a key, a door not present may yet be opened for those that know her name.

Dark times for those whose actions cast them out, Shunned by friends and lover alike.
She raises the promethean gift aloft, shadow and light brought to life.
Dark and Light, foreshadowing Fides return, or a life alone?

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