Memories from a boy trapped in my soul

Imprisoned in time, a boy, a young teen
Stuck in a moment, an event, a trauma
No door to exit, no windows to gaze out of
Silently Screaming as memories swirl and constrain

Betrayal by one who should have gave love
Innocence taken by one who should defend it
Trust destroyed by one most trusted
Memory too hard, too dangerous to keep.

Shackles of the mind, self-imposed on by the boy
Memories denied, hidden and rejected
To change the past, undo what was done
Something that couldn’t, mustn’t, have happened

Power and control, fear and threat
Power to reject, withdraw and deny.
To be sent away or taken by ‘THEM’
To make sure he never feels safe again

To hide in the soul of the adult man
Sharing his fear, mistrust, insecurity and pain
Forever needing to test love and trust
But destroying any chance that either remain

But still he remembers,
Can’t hide from himself
Taking the blame on his own soul
Though an innocent he was and remains

Seeking a way to tell of his pain
Pushing the adult him to risk and danger
Hoping to get the punishment he thinks he deserves
Why else would it have happened so long ago?

Finally too much, too far
Trauma revisited, life destroyed, but old memories opened
His adult self accepts now what was done
To him and the boy in his soul

A price though is paid, a high price indeed
love deserted him,  again trust betrayed
But now boy and adult both know
Know each other and what was done

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